I really need some honest helpful advice people - please!! I'm desperate?

I want to start of with a brief introduction.. I am 23, from London. I have a huge passion for music, mainly RnB but anything really. I enjoy watching GOOD films and spending time with close friends and clubbing in the west end. I sound like a fairly standard 23 year old. I say this as I have read a few similar ISH questions on here, where the people tend to be quite depressed, lonely, suicidal etc THIS IS NOT THE CASE!!


OK This is where the complication comes in.


I have suffered with eating disorders (primarily anorexia nervosa) on and off since the age of 14.


Since my fiance and I broke up a year ago my weight has ranged from 84llbs to 105llbs. (I'm 5ft1).


I am now in a steady relationship with a man I love, entirely.


Although I am now at the higher end of my weight and since being with him it has crept up. I know he has noticed as he has jokingly referred to my belly as mount everest. To be fair, its not far off!!





I physically repulse myself now though when I look in the mirror.


I don't want to go out most nights as I genuinely feel people are looking at me because I have put on weight. Which is ridiculous I know as I am still smaller than the majority of people at my university.


I don't want to skype my old friends and family as I feel they will look at me and see how plump I am getting and think what a lack of self control I have.





I am keeping myself awake at night over this, and have started to not eat anything 99% of the time but then that 1% - I cant stop myself having moments where I go crazy and eat loads and then try and throw up.. (not every time as it is horrifically disgusting)





AT THE SAME TIME, when my boyfriend holds my belly, I find it hugely comforting and I like it. Whereas previously in my life if you had touched me I would have freaked out... go figure..





I really just want to know if anyone can relate to this, has felt similar in the past, is feeling this way now or has known anyone!! ANY constructive advice would be great :)





Also - Ok I really dont mind if you want to be rude or call me a freak but its never really very productive. Think it - dont write it. I realise I am strange so save your breath, as it were.I really need some honest helpful advice people - please!! I'm desperate?
It sounds like you have a body image disorder :( Maybe eating disorder? at best if you weigh 105lb.. that is no where near being over weight, let alone big enough to repulse anyone. I do understand how you may feel after being so small for the majority of your life, and then to put on a few pounds may cause you some alarm when you look in the mirror. But even for 5'1'; 85lbs is way too thin. Did you ever stop to think that people are looking at you because you look so much better? That maybe a little bit of flesh on your bones IS INDEED attractive to 99% of the population and you're just getting checked out? I really hope you will seek counseling, the way you're feeling is not normal.. and what you see in the mirror probably isn't a reflection of what others see when they look at you. Please please talk to a doctor about this, chances are they can help you, you have a right to wake up every day and see yourself for the beautiful deserving person you are. %26lt;33I really need some honest helpful advice people - please!! I'm desperate?
Does the love of your life know how you feel about your image? Does it bother you when he pokes fun at you? If it does, you should tell him it does and ask him not to do it. Apparently, when you look in the mirror you are ashamed of what you see. Are you malnourished and your stomach is extended? Have you seen a doctor recently? My friend has lost a great deal of weight, over 100 pounds. She looks wonderful, yet she gets very upset if anything is mentioned to the fact or if anyone looks at her. She still feels fat. She has been heavy most all of her life, until about 1 year ago. Why do you think your family will judge you? They will probably be very happy that you look healthier, instead of mere skin and bones. I think we as humans, worry way too much about our appearance. I also feel we are very hard on ourselves. It's what is in our heart that truly matters, not our physical appearance. We think people see us as we see ourselves and it is just not true. You have to love yourself first, no matter what you look like. Remember...God loves you just the way you are.
You are a creation of God (psalms 138:13). And this means that you were made perfect. You are at a good weight and i cannot picture mt. everest on your belly! i am 5'2' and weight 105, size 1. You are just fine, any lower is not healthy.


The measurements for beauty are man-made and not from God.


The media is the one who has decided whats pretty and not. Not everyone has to agree in order for you to be beautiful.


If they don't accept you as you are, they are not worthy of being your friend.


Beauty shines from the inside out.


And God loves you, more than any human in the world could ever love you.





John 3:16 says For God so loved the world(you) that he gave his one and only Son,that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.


Know Jesus Christ: know peace, love and acceptance.





Before you can truly love You have to be able to love yourself and know that God loved you first!


1 John 4:18-20


there is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.


We love because he first loved us. If anyone says, ';I love God,'; yet hates his brother, he is a liar. For anyone who does not love his brother, whom he has seen, cannot love God, whom he has not seen.





Pray to God, he has all the answers, and has good plans for your life.


Read Jeremiah 29:11, 33:3





Proverbs 3:5-8


-Trust in the LORD with all your heart (Trust HIM)


and lean not on your own understanding;


-in all your ways acknowledge him, (SEEK Him)


and he will make your paths straight.


-Do not be wise in your own eyes; (you can't do it ALONE)


fear the LORD and shun evil.


-This will bring health to your body


and nourishment to your bones. (He can cure you!)





may God bless you and guide you in all that you do! -Yesi


Feel free to write to me.