My ex Has destroyed me.... :( Advice please people..?

Hey everyone.. Please Give me some advice on how i can overcome this feeling...





Im cutting a long story Short here.. My boyfriend and i were going out for a year and a half throughout the relationship i found he was forever lying to me.. cheated on me.... never told me obviously untill i called his bluff and found out BY FACE EXPRESSION (and a bit of snooping).. I never used to snoop on him only because i felt something in my gut that wasnt right.. i used to trust him alot untill i found out all his lies.. so.. he gave me no choice really....





Now.. how im feeling obviously from that bad relationship, Can i ever trust a man again because hes made me sooo paranoid its unreal and makes me think i can never trust a man again and always think that men are gonna lie to me and now i feel i always have to snoop around first to see what type of guy they are forst before i get involved...





BUT! i dont want to feel i have to do that... I just want that perfect man that doesnt give me a reason not to trust him! :( - How will get over this paranoia... My mum told me its VERY bad because it can take over your mind and ruin things with all your next relationships.. paranoia is a strong thing and i feel that its ruining me.. :o(





Please someone need some advice to think possitive! xxxMy ex Has destroyed me.... :( Advice please people..?
You can and will do better. We all make the same mistake. I am sure you have heard the expression, ';fool me once, shame on you. fool me twice, shame on me';.My ex Has destroyed me.... :( Advice please people..?
i think that you need to give it time before you have a new relationship.





there is no use going to look for something that you are clearly not ready for. you will hurt the other person aswell as yourself.





i think maybe you need to be friends with people for while first. my ex hurt me by lying to me. after a year or so of being single and having time to think about it, i felt i was ready to move on.





but when i did meet someone i told him from the start that i needed time to get to know him and i wouldnt rush in as my ex had hurt me. luckly he understood. we took it slow. now i know i can trust him and im glad he gave me time. we were friends before we were lovers and i think its made us alot stronger.





when you do meet someone tell them the truth and take your time. if a guy tries to rush you then i wouldnt bother with him.
Like you - after dating some bad guys - I was left untrusting of men and rather paranoid about them, which when they didnt deserve it - often ended up in the relationship ending because they couldnt take it anymore.


But your mum is right - and its only in the last year that Ive realised that its me that drives these guys away with constantly questioning their every move and being paranoid - but then I realised that its not right to paint all guys with the same brush - there ARE good guys there, and Ive discovered that I now have a sixth sense when it comes to men and Im able to weed out the good from the bad - Im sure the same will be said for you once you actually give yourself a shot with the good guys! Experience one of these nice guys - and its very easy to spot a bad guy coming for you!!


xx
Really sorry to hear about this.


I have also been through this and i know it is tough.


The trouble is that once someone has abused your trust it is very hard to trust another.


I tried after my bad relationship to trust another man but with my paranoia i ruined it not long after.


My best advice is take some time out for you. Have fun, flirt %26amp; play but dont get into another relationship just yet. Discover yourself as a person before you share it with another. You will soon learn to trust again but at the moment your wounds are too raw.


I (after 3 bad relationships) did this and after a year or so of me time, i met my husband. Needless to say, i was a bit apprehensive but i got there in the end!


And so will you.
you cannot go through life fearing .be glad that you found out in time ad that you had the guts to do something about it !


now, just be cautious and date wisely .........
I know from personal experience what you are going through. I think you are on the right track to overcoming some of the anger you are feeling, by getting all this off your chest. The worst thing you can do is hold that in. This is gonna sound lame, but time is gonna play a key part in you getting over this. Its hard when you have devoted so much time into something and have the carpet pulled out from under you. One thing tha always helped me was to get it out, talk or journal about it as much as you can. Not everyone is like that and eventually you'll realize that. Hope this helps!
So sorry about everything, but first of all there is nothing wrong with you, its your boyfriend that was rotter and he is making you feel that you are wrong. Its not you and you should try to keep him out of your mind and move on. You have a bad experience but you try as best you can to wipe it out altogether. Not all men are rotters, there are some really nice guys out there just waiting for you to choose them as Mr Right! If you let your ex get the better of you, even mind wise, then he has still won, so do not let him win.


So get your glad rags on, meet your girlfriends and get out into the big wide world and enjoy yourself. You are worth a lot more then your ex so chin up and get out there girl! Good luck.
good luck. you WILL get over him and find some one better. your to good for him. good luck yours richard uk.
Hey I hope you run into some very nice decent men soon in your life. Do not let one bad man ruin half of the entire human population for you , that's just Silly. Men and women both cheat. My ex-girlfriend of 5 years cheated on my with my best friend and lied to me that she got rapped. For a very long time I HATED all women and didn't date for 4 years straight, but I got over it , because I realize there is good people and there is bad people , they come in all different shapes, color, sizes, and sexes. So please keep your heart open and do not become bitter and hateful because then your boyfriend has won by robbing you of a chance to meet a good honest caring man, so don't let him do that. Keep your chin up and have faith in human beings and their ability to be good. But on the other side learn from this experience, and know that you have the right to ask questions and be curious of your partner.
Unfortunately there is no such thing as the perfect man. However, there are different types of men, if at all possible try to find out about anybody you like before getting involved with them. If you have any males friends ask if they know what he is like with women (although men do tend to stick together on things like this).


Most importantly, dont let this put you off all men, and dont assume they are all the same. Dont feel bad about this relationship because you are not to blame, and you deserve someone who wont cheat on you so the other person is welcome to him.


Dont rush into relationships with people before you are completely sure what they are like so that you dont get hurt. Good luck!
Move on hun, do it today! There are nice men out there, you do deserve better, noone should put up with this, its draining the life out of you, move on!!
i know how you feel and i guess its going to be there for a while but you just need to focus on yourself right now because as soon as you meet the right man you will realise that sometimes you are going to worry but if you really love him you wont need to anymore and he will understand how your feeling
This same thing pretty much happen to me, in all aspects. I was witha guy for a year, and during this year he cheated and lied to me 6 times. It will take a long time. We broke up 9 months ago, and yeah im completly over my ex, i hate him and would never get back with him, and i have even had relationships in between, but i am so messed up in the head about boys i ruin everything. Basically what iv realized recently is you need to work on self restraint. your probably gunnawanna be paranoid that your new boyfriend is cheating on you, but write or read something to keep your mind off it and if you find the right guy he will understand when your getting paranoid and not let it bother him until you can learn to trust again.
BEEN THERE DONE THAT BOUGHT THE T SHIRT AND SENT IT BACK.. IF YOU FEEL THIS WAY ABOUT A MAN THEN YOU WILL NEVER TRUST ANYONE AGAIN. THAT SHOULD NOT STOP YOU FROM HAVING A RELATIONSHIP. ASK AROUND WHO THIS MAN IS IF U DECIDE TO DATE. JUST SIT BACK AND LOOK FROM THE OUTSIDE AND GO SLOW AND STEADY. THEY SAY THAT YOU LEARN BY YOUR MISTAKES AND TRUST ME YOU DO. I AM ON SECOND MARRIAGE GOING ON 15 YEARS AND THIS ONE WAS BETTER BECAUSE I KNEW WHAT I WANTED AND TOLD HIM ANY BS AND YOU ARE GONE!!!!
First of all, you have to relax!


You are not paranoid, and you have no paranoia, just a bad experience.


Now you know the signs, you know the look in his eyes, when he is nervous, not looking into your eyes, playing shy or uncertain - that's the signs.


Most men are like that - they justify their lies with a deal they make inside their head, and, believe you me, they mostly, don't feel guilty!


But you are the woman, so you can turn everything to your side!


First, show in every detail, in every conversation, in every comment about movies, books or anybody you know - let your future man know, you won't allow be him with you just for a ride.


To make it easier on him, make jokes about it, talk in riddles, but be firm - you won't put up with nonsense.


Let him know, if he wants someone else, you won't mind, BUT, he would have to leave immediately and not to bother about taking you for a fool!


Don't follow the gy, don't phone up every hour asking where are you, don't check his pockets for a possible note...


What you should check always is how he treats you. If he is caring, thinks about how to spend more QUALITY time with you, thinks up different surprises and is trying to entertain you everywhere - at home, at parties, at friends', at work, at the park, in bed, etc - if he does that, he loves you and he isn't cheating on you.


The guys always want sex, it's their nature.


Though it depends on a girl to offer them SUCH an attention, so that the word SEX will mean YOU, the word LOVE will also mean YOU, the word FUN will mean YOU, the words BEST FRIEND will also mean YOU!!!


And many other things should tie you to him. Even if he won't have enough strength and he falls just for a ';onner'; with someone else - he WILL feel guilty, it won't be easy on him, he will be scared as hell to lose you!


And then it's in your hands - to forgive him (though taking out of him your EVERY whim attended to, because he was wrong!) and go on, or to break everything you and him had worked over for a long time!


And remember, ideal partners don't just fall on your head as snow - you can make your ideal partner yourself!