When you compare, you merely are creating a contest. He's with you now. You win. Go to Korea and be with him. A year long honeymoon in Korea is nice. BTW, can you pick me a up a kimchee Rolex?Please Help! I know I probably sound jealous. But need advice from people that have been in my situation?
WTF, ';I know material things dont matter...'; bs you are jealous. Hey if you did not ask the question you would not be reading the truth.
You let the past remain the past. You focus on he divorced from her and chose you to be his wife. Was he deploying then? Maybe her parents went all out for thier daughter. Whatever the case, your married!!!!!!
Now get your self in front of a mirror and sing ';I got your man and you can't do anything about it!'; and realize that feels WAY better than any trip or fancy dress!
Your time will come! You are his WIFE - doesn't that feel good too? Put new thoughts in there and make crazy love (knowing you can, not her!) beofre he leaves!
hi there. sounds like ur a smart and kind lady. yeah im 27 and separated. so i can tell u how i feel. i mean when a guy get married give everything they have for their weeding. and if they get divorce it seems to them a big weaste. like i gave u the world and u gave me nothing. so they dont tend to walk the same way. its like if u burn ur tounge in hot coffee u'll always be scared of coffee. something like that. but with time he will know u better and do more thing for u. and marige is about love not about the big party and staffs(i understand u have a dream of ur big weeding) . and i bet he loves u.
THINK OF IT THIS WAY...SHE HAD ALL OF THOSE THINGS AND THE MARRIGE STILL DID NOT LAST!!!!
Your not being material. Your wedding day is just that YOUR day. But you did agree to it. Just go ahead and start planing your chruch wedding now it will make you feel better.
I can understand you feeling jealous to a point. Because he is married to you, now. Maybe his ex is jealous of you. It's not how much you spend, trust me. I spent a lot and my marriage lasted 18 months. Maybe it's just how you look at things. But you should have had some flowers. I would have made sure you did.
But cherish your time together now. Don't think about petty things. You'll get a bigger wedding next year. Plan that puppy, and you'll be all smiles--no jealousy!!
You can look at it in two ways.
1. He didn't love her coz he spend all that money, and maybe thats why they are not together anymore. The foundation might have been money, that kind of a foundation won't last.
2. He learned from his history, that money won't give him love.
And I believe thats why he is doing that.
So this is what you have to do.
Talk to him, like you are joking...you can start by saying; ';hey how come we didn't have a great honeymoon like the one you hard with your ex'; Something along those line....
Just be nice, and he will come along!
you said that you guys couldnt afford a big wedding so you know there is a reason why you didnt have one. i know it can be a little annoying knowing that his ex has a nice wedding. look on the bright side. you got him now. do you rather have him or a fancy wedding. now think about the little things he does for you. you said no flowers. why not?? flowers arent expensive and can even pick it himself... think about what he does for you on special days like news years, christmas and birthdays.. you will have a pretty clear idea of how he feels.... if he dont get you anything no cards nothing... then maybe you dont mean all that much to himmmmm good luck
Why does everybody have to focus on material things all the time???? What matters is that you are married!!!! Sounds like you're getting what you want, you just have to wait a year. Doesn't sound that bad to me and if you wanted it that bad in the first place you really should've waited to marry until he comes back!
You're not jealous, you are competing. Save up a bunch of money over the next year and have your wedding and the rest.
Yesterday is history
Tomorrow is a mystery
Today is a gift from god
That's why we call it the present.
If you're planning a church wedding in a year, your new hubby probably is thinking that will be your BIG day to celebrate a wedding. He is probably looking at the whole thing differently than you are. Forget his past and don't even let yourself think about it.
I can understand why you feel jealous, but you got to look at it a different way. He's not with her anymore.. he had a huge, expensive wedding, but the marriage didn't work out.
If you guys love each other that should be enough. You guys can have a party/church wedding when the time is right for the both of you.
Good luck!
When it comes time to get married in the church, and he still doesnt buy flowers, and no pretty dress, then panic. Until then you are married, you agreed to get married by the court, dont compare yourself to the ex, not a good idea.
well that's not fair is it? you'd think he'd give you ten times what he gave his ex? just to prove his love. i couldnt tell ya otherwise sorry. u've got a tough one to figure out.
Its ok to feel jealous. I feel that way all the time when I learn how much my bf loved his exes and all of the experiences he had with them. However, you should get over it and have a big party when he returns...
You got the man you wanted, be happy! You can always go shopping or travel!
There could be millions of reason why he chose to do this.. sometimes the little things mean more to someone than all the expensives in the world.
He may see that since he has to go away, he wanted to at least be married to you, and when he gets back maybe he will do something special just for you. Give it some time at this point.
You need to get over it now. NOW!! He will figure out he has made a big mistake if you don't. You have limited time with him before Korea. Grow up and enjoy what time you have with him. While he is gone why not get a second job and save save save for the dream wedding or vacation. That would help you get over the time he is gone, and he would be thrilled that you did that for the both of you.
I totally understand you being jealous about the situation but these are the types of issues you discuss at length before standing in front of the Judge basically tying the not.
If you wanted the fancy dress, the big party and the honeymoon you should have WAITED until you got it from him.
Only Fools Rush In--%26gt;
But I hope that in a year from now you get what you really wanted!
Here is a picture of how I deal with painful memories and totally screw up how my partner sees it.
There was a very unhappy outcome to my 1st marriage and I was never able to repeat many of the things we did together with my next relationships because the pain of thinking about what it meant to me is built around those very things that my X wife pretended to love me for.
I came away feeling like a fool for loving her so much I gave her her importance in an extravagent wedding.
Sorry, I know it is wrong to deny a woman certain things, but to repeat one moment that reminds me of all my pain, is to disfigure how I see the woman I am with.
I dont mean to be cold, I just dont want to remember.
I am sorry you didnt get at least a flower.
I hope your love for your husband will overwrite his unhappiness and one day instead of an anniversary, you get the wedding you want
YOU are the one who with him CHOSE to have a court wedding, you have no RIGHT to be jealous. It's not his ex wife's fault that YOU couldn't wait until he returned from Korea. So grow up and quit whining you CHOSE to put yourself where you are, get over yourself.
Dont think about all the stuff he gave to his ex and how much it cost just think about how much you love him and about how much he loves you plus all that material stuff doesn't matter!
I was thinking it was jealousy until I read that he didn't even get you flowers. That's kind of sad. I hate for it to sound shallow, but every bride deserves flowers and a nice dress on her wedding day.
When he got married before was he getting ready to be deployed? And buying all those things for the ex, did it make his marriage stronger? Did it make his marriage last? No - No - No. Flowers, dresses and all that extra stuff is not important to most men. I bet his mind was more on where he is headed and if he is going to be separated from you. All that money he spent before was basically wasted since the marriage didn't even last. And in his defense if flowers were that important to you then why didn't you spend the $5 to stop and pick some up. You see in a marriage it is teamwork. And if his mind is preoccupied right now it would be understandable considering he is about to be deployed to a different country away from his friends and family. So it's a rough start for both of you. But that is OK. It is getting through these types of issues that will make your marriage stronger. Anytime you feel yourself feeling jealous over what was spent his first time around, you need to remember that you are the one that he has chosen to marry. And coming from a marriage that didn't work I bet he has a better understanding of what is really important in a realtionship. So stop worrying about the material things and start appreciating the real things you are blessed with. A year from now when you have a chance to do your wedding to share with others don't get so caught up in all the material things that you miss the true meaning of what you two are doing. And that is making a promise before God, your families and all your friends that you will stand by each other through thick and thin. And that your love for each other is so strong that it will outshine anything money could possibly buy. Good luck to you both and congratulations on your new life together.
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