Why Do Some People Ask For Advice After They Cheated On Their Spouse/Partner?

Why do some people who cheated on their spouse/partner come here on Y/A and ask questions on how to improve on their relationship?


My opinion is, if you are susceptible to infidelity, you are not ready to get or be married. You took a vow and you broke that vow. You expect your spouse/partner to trust you again after what you've done? Go to marriage counseling. Don't rely on responses from Y/A because it's not good enough. I mean it's ok to have a crush on someone but acting upon that crush and getting involved with them, you are playing with fire.Why Do Some People Ask For Advice After They Cheated On Their Spouse/Partner?
Because they are searching for SOMEONE to justify their actions and tell them that they made the right choice in their circumstances.





I agree with you 110%. If they can not commit whole heartedly to someone and abide by the vows that they said to their hubby/wife, then they don't DESERVE to be married.Why Do Some People Ask For Advice After They Cheated On Their Spouse/Partner?
Guilt!
they are hoping someone will tell them that they didn't do anything wrong.
I agree
I believe that some people really are seeking advise...and are remorseful for what they have done.....I don't expect ANYONE to rely solely on YA for the right answers....but instead look at is at a starting place...to be pointed in the right direction. I honestly don't believe that most people get married with the intention of cheating on their spouse down the road......but it does happen.
Well, that is a good point but in truth people sometimes need many views on one situation to help their mind choose the best one for themselves. We are all still just people and even some of the best of therapists don't have the right advise for their own lives.For example I know a few of them and in truth their personal life track records are just as messed up as alot of the people they help to do the right thing.Why? cause we are all way better at helping others over our own self.Cause we are not personally connected to the feelings and results of that decision and therefore can make a better judgment not having that to work around them.


Opinions very among all of us, and sometimes the more of them you have, the better you are at making the one you need to.You take pieces of alot of them and make it into the decision that best. That's the great thing about being human, no one is perfect but if you listen as often as you speak, you just might learn alot from the world around you and make alot less of the same mistakes.
You forgot the part where they ask you ';not to judge them'; and report you for abuse when you tell them they have no integrity and aren't treating their partners with any respect, so they aren't compatible with them.





Oh, and then there are the ironic ones who send you personal email calling you all sorts of four letter words (before reporting you for abuse) claiming that you are a nasty person.
Same reason people call for help AFTER they get the car stuck in the mud. They don't realize they are in trouble till it's too late.
Well, it's to late to figure out you are not ready for marriage at that point. That would not explain the long term marriages that fall to this temptation after many years of marriage anyway. Yes, an affair is selfish and regardless of any real life problems within the marriage, there is no excuse. It's cruel to the spouse and any other person you drag into this mess. Work on problems and improving the marriage or get out before you look outside the marriage. Recognizing a 'crush' is a sign to work on yourself and protect yourself.





People can fall to temptations, make terrible selfish choices at any time in their life. People rationalize and justify their behavior to make themselves feel better about their actions. So often, all to late, they see the damage they created. They realize how much they DO want their marriage and spouse.





So, faced with the consequences of their terrible choices, they are in a crisis. How can they fix what they broke all for an ego boost? I guess they will ask anywhere. If this is a place they are familiar with, then they ask here. I've noticed that the majority of responses on this site are to end the marriage, not in support of working to save it. To many people seem to consider marriage disposable. Yes, infidelity is a terrible emotional trauma, but like many things in our lives that are horrible choices, we can work to rebuild if we want to. Someone who really regrets their choice CAN work to change, can build stronger boundaries to protect themselves and their marriage if they choose.





The internet is full of great sites with help for couples going through this crisis for free and some great forum sites with lots of helpful people who have been through this and are in recovery, with or without their spouse. Many marriages survive an affair, but it takes lots of work and commitment from both spouses. There are also sites out there just to make money off of people in pain.





Need help? There are a few great books also available.


Just a few:


';Not Just Friends'; by S. Glass


';After the Affair'; by Springs


';Surviving an Affair'; by Dr. W. Harley.