Will I get over his infidelity? Advice from people who've survived affairs or men who have had them please.

I found out my ex had a one night stand with a friend of a friend whom I was aquainted to, albeit I saw the person very seldom. I have since broken up with him but I miss him and wish this had never happened, but I cant get over the astonishment of what he has done and my pride is still in my way. How can I get over this? And moreover will the feelings of betrayal and anger subside and let the love in more? Will I be able to be as affectionate and loving as I was before this or am I just kidding myself that I can actually get over his infidelity? I know it will never be the same but will I still be able to be close with him without being sarcastic or feeling bitter? Or am I just a person who lacks dignity %26amp; self esteem for entertaining the thought of getting back with him? Should I trust my pride over my heart? I dont want to be a doormat or let him think that since he crossed the line once he can now do it again and I will forgive.Will I get over his infidelity? Advice from people who've survived affairs or men who have had them please.
Yes, it can be overcome. No, it isn't easy. No, it isn't quick.





If he's willing to change the behaviors that led to the infidelity and work on his relationship with you, and YOU are willing to accept that the past is in the past and work on rebuilding the trust, then you have a chance.





But that means that you communicate with each other, and that he do whatever is necessary to rebuild your trust. It also means that YOU don't use his past as a weapon to beat him over the head whenever you feel like it.





It took us two years of hell to rebuild the trust that he broke. It took eight years to get to the point that I could think about it without it hurting (or at least only hurting in the same way that ';my first high school crush who broke my heart'; hurts).





The past is in the past. You can't change it. The only thing you can do is learn from it and move forward. The wound will never heal if you keep picking at the scab.





If you love him and want to try to work it out, forgive him.





Once.





If it happens again, walk away and don't bother looking back. Once can be a mistake. Twice isn't.





As Amber illustrates, some people are just scum who can't commit and don't deserve to be in a monogamous relationship with someone who loves them.





Good luck.Will I get over his infidelity? Advice from people who've survived affairs or men who have had them please.
Once a cheater always a cheater! Believe me, I did it during my first marriage, swore to god I wouldn't do it my second marriage but I had a really cute 24 year old just on Saturday. And the best part, I'm 32!





So really, he will do it again!
well, you feel this way about him but does he feel this way about you? Has he tried to get back together with you or called or anything? Some people are able to forgive a significant other for cheating because they can look beyond what happen. Other cannot. We cannot tell you if it is going to be okay or you will be able to get over what he has done. We don't know you well enough to know how you handled the situation in the first place. I might be able to find it in my heart to forgive but it depends on the circumstances. If he just did it to be mean because he didn't want to be with you, that is one thing. BUT if he admitted it and it was honestly a mistake and he will do whatever it takes to make it up to you, that is another. There are a lot of ';what if's';.
Once that trust is broken you can never get it back. Everytime he walks out that door it will be in the back of your mind, is he going to cheat tonight? Trust is earned and not handed out. The thing with men is that once they get away with something they will keep trying to get away with the same thing. They figure ';she forgave me before';...
You will be able to forgive, you are just that type of person, but you will not be able to forget. And that's not all bad, because it is a constant little reminder so we don't get into the same situations again that caused us so much pain. A little scar to remind us what we went through and what to not do again. Don't go back into it no matter how tempting. I went through this with my ex-husband after almost 15 years of marriage. I forgave and we tried for a year to work on our relationship, and in the end, he left anyway. I wish I hadn't wasted that year trying with him. People don't just change. The unfortunate fact is they are who they are and they will do what they will do. Keep your eyes focused straight ahead. There is someone else out there who is looking for someone just like you. And you can't find that person if you are pining away for the one that hurt you. I wish you the best of luck. It does get better with time.
i think your a very feeling person. and as been hurt terribly. yes being cheated on is a sicken thing. your emotions must be all over the place. you have every right to feel betrayed. because love is all about trust. yes the pain the anger will subside in time. time is a great healer. if you do take him back. you haven't lost dignity or self esteem. forgiveness is a virtue. witch you should be proud of. i wish you well. good luck.
here are a few more questions for you to consider:


-has he shown remorse? true. deep and meaningful remorse?





-what has he done since the 2 have broken up that might indicate that he has had a COMPLETE change of heart and that he himself is so hurt for hurting you that he knows he could never live through something like that again?





-was it a one-time thing or was it reoccuring?





-did he ever disrespect you in other ways and this was the ultimate form or once again, one time deal and otherwise his behaviour had been impecable?





Many of us have done terrible things and have hurt the one we love but as long as it was an exception rather than the rule of thumb it is forgiveable- and even, somewhat, forgetable.





My husband has hurt me in the past, though he wasn't unfaithful per se (early in the relationship). For the moment being i thought things would never be the same. But because I saw how much he suffered because of it- he came running/crying because of what had happened I knew that it wasn't a new path he was planning to pursue.





I was shocked as well because I know how much he loves me and I saw him put family and everything on the line for me, yet, that one incident still occured. It haunted him for a while, and me too. But he changed so much since. there are so many indications that he really is a different man now. I can see him step over his pride and I saw his struggle in letting the old man die.





All of this has helped me heal from everything and I love him more than ever. I can honestly say, after 2 years, that I do trust him, 100% again- mind you, he didn't sleep with anyone and it was early in the relationship.


Were this to happen now, i don't know...
The fact is that he cannot apologize every day for the rest of his life, yet you will probably not be satisfied with anything less. You will never, ever be where you were so do both of you a favor and stop resisting your new reality and figure out how you are going to forge a new life without him. I was married to a cheater and know a lot of people who cheat on their wives. If you have found out about one, there were probably more, or there will be more. You can make a change now, or in 5 years from now when you find out he has done it again. It will be even more humiliating to you if you take him back and he does the same thing. Unless you are financially dependent on him, I would find a good counselor and get help with letting go. If you are dependent, then you've just got to swallow hard and take whatever he dishes out until you can get on your own two feet.
As you now know...it can take years to build trust and 1 second to kill it. It will take time to rebuild it. With work from both parties, eventually the anger diminishes and healing can begin. If the anger still causes issues get some counseling to work through it...